I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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