dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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