dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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