Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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