Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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