fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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