after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize