I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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