sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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