If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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