I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
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Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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