The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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