I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize