No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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