guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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