i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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