strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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