she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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