My room smells like vodka and shame
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize