we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
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She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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