are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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