You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize