I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize