I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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