Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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