that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dick very happy bro
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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