He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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