I puked a lego.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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