You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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