Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize