is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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