Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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