Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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