Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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