Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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