I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize