Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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