I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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