This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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