so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just google imaged poop.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize