Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize