Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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