Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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