everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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