my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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