matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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