I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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