im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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