Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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