I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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